Tuesday, July 28, 2015

The hardest part of Motherhood


There is no doubt motherhood is a hard job. No matter what acronym you have, SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), WAHM (Work At Home Mom), WOHM (Work Outside the Home Mom) or INMNOM (In Need of a Mom’s Night Out Mom) no doubt your job is hard!

The sleepless nights, the pacing the floor, the whining, the fighting, never ending meal times and bedtime routines. Keeping their little bellies full, their clothes on their backs and their busy minds full of wonder and curiosity is enough to wear out even the most energetic moms among us.

The day to day, nitty gritty parts of motherhood are exhausting. But that is not what keeps us up at night when our minds wander and refuse to come back to bed where our bodies restlessly toss and turn.

That is not why a mother waits up for her teenage son to come home on a Saturday night despite being awake for more than 15 hours. That is not why a mother of a toddler spends 4 hours researching online and another hour discussing with her doctor about whether or not her toddler needs vitamin supplements.

It is the uncertainty. 

Uncertainty about the parenting choices we make, uncertainty about the kind of job we are doing at being mothers, uncertainty about our children’s futures, uncertainty about motherhood.
There is just so much that we worry about. “Did I breastfeed enough? Is it okay that I never breastfed? Which formula should I use? Am I harming my baby by giving him a pacifier, by not giving him one? Did she have enough tummy time? Are her milestones on track?”

“What if I am somehow irreversibly harming my baby for life because I did or didn’t do X, Y and Z???”

“Am I disciplining them right? Is it okay that I lose my shit and yell and scream once in a while? Is it okay that some days I feel like I just can’t handle it all? If I go back to work, will they resent me for not being home with them? If I stay at home, will I ruin them because I don’t have circle time in the living room every day?”

“Are they getting enough social interaction? Do they get enough time to play alone? Do they get enough time outside? Did I make the right choice for their education? Is this just a phase, or something more?”

The list of crap we moms worry about goes on and on and on. It doesn’t help that every time we turn on a computer or TV, we are inundated by studies and opinions by doctors and psychologists all about the one topic we can’t seem to get enough of: Parenting.

One day we read that if we don’t want to screw up our kids we need to do this, the next day we read no, we need to do that. It is enough to make a mom want to rip her hair out and scream at the screen, “What the Hell is it that I am supposed to do?!”



Will we always know the right thing to do? No. Will we always worry if we are doing right by our kids? Probably. I think, though, that the uncertainty is what makes us good mothers. It is the uncertainty that makes us try to do better when we can. And the reason the uncertainty is there is simple. Love. 

Love is an unmoving rock amongst the rough seas of uncertainty and worry. We love our kids so much it hurts. We love our kids so much we worry if we can be certain that we are doing a good enough job being a mom. 

Let me ask you this. Are your kids basic needs met, food, clothing, shelter? 

Do your kids know just how much you freaking love them?

Then let me tell you this, Mama. You are doing a good enough job. I am certain of it.



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You may also like Stop with the Damn Studies, Please!

 

Thank you for sharing!

 

4 comments:

  1. Gah! The second guessing, always the second guessing! I think I've gotten better about it over time, but it never goes away.

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    1. It lessens for sure, but it is always there!

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  2. Maybe one way to tell if you're a good parent is if your kids are happy. I've seen stressed out, over-booked kids and that makes me sad. If kids seem engaged in life, that's a good sign you're on the right track.

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    1. Yes, such a great point! Sometimes we worry so much about our kids getting enough of everything that is offered for kids these days, that we forget how important just being happy is.

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