Sunday, January 3, 2016

5 Tell Tale Signs You Have Aged Out of Your Facebook Moms Group

When you are a new mom, everything is brand new and quite frankly terrifying. You need to reach out and find your tribe, your village, or at the very least another mom who gets it.

One way of doing this is through a Facebook moms group. I belong to several. I have loved the support they have provided. Now that my baby is almost 8 though, I feel like I may have graduated the Facebook moms group. There seems to be a lot of the same things being brought up again and again and one can only relive the same question so many times.


Here are what I have found to be 5 tell tale signs that you have aged out of your Facebook moms group.

 1) Someone posts a question asking for advice on potty training and you reply with only one word- wine.

 2) A new mom asks what to do about her baby's cradle cap.

You read that and think, "Man, I remember when my 1st baby had that and I was so worried about it but, eh, that was like almost 8 years ago and I'm happy to report that he's been dandruff free for at least the last 7 years. Don't ask me if my 2nd or 3rd babies had it because, honestly, it goes by so damn fast I barely remember their births, just that there were more people hanging on me and demanding shit from me." And you realize that none of that is helpful and you should just delete that and not say anything.

3) Someone asks for a recommendation and you want to claw your eyeballs out of your head.

"Anyone know of a good photographer, doctor, realtor, date night restaurant, exorcist? TIA!"
Gah! I don't give a shit! If I recommend my doctor to one more person, I'm going to ask for my next pap on the house for all this free advertising I give him.
Try this thing called the yellow pages.
Bawahahaha! Just kidding, who the hell uses the yellow pages anymore?
No, seriously, google that shit bitch.
Now, of course this all changes once you are the one who needs a good plumber. Then you're all like, can anyone help a mother out? Please?

4) You know better than to ask certain loaded questions and cringe when others don't know better.

"How do I lose this baby weight?"
"How can I earn a little extra money?
"What's good for stretch marks?"

All these are code for, please try to sell me something or get me to join your direct sales business.

5) You can spot a comment section shitstorm a mile away.

Speaking of loaded questions, want to start a fight? Just ask any of the following,
"Where can I get my daughter's ears pierced?"
"Anyone know where I can find a cheap used car seat?"
"Need a pediatrician recommendation. One that is okay with us not doing vaccinations."
"How do I find out if our water is fluoridated?"
Sit back and get ready for an all out brawl in the comment section.

Of course, the number one sign that you have aged out of your Facebook moms group would be that you just left the group because you don't have time for that shit anymore.
Expect you'd never do that, because, you know, you need a good plumber recommendation.




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12 comments:

  1. I have been going to the same playgroup for 13 years. (As in same place and time because obviously NONE of the people are the same.) I struggle to keep from giving the answer, "Stop giving a shit about that," to practically every advice seeking question. I also scare the bejeesus out of them about their kids growing up on a regular basis.

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    Replies
    1. I know! So much of what we worried about as first time moms was no big deal! I was that way when I was a new mom too!

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  2. LOL! Number 5 especially - Another question I love to see is "should I get this next baby circumcised?"

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    Replies
    1. Haha! Yup, thems fighting words, right there!

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  3. So funny! Yeah - I think most moms will out grow many mom FB groups.

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  4. Omg, this is just too funny and I admit I never left my original FB mom's group, but also never join in in conversations anymore and nor do I even check the group conversations at all anymore in all honestly. So, guess I really have outgrown them, too!

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  5. Oh, lort. YES. Every now and then, I have to walk away before I type, "WHO REALLY GIVES A SWEET FUZZY RAT'S BEHIND IF THE APPLES AT PLAYGROUP WERE ORGANIC? YOUR KID EATS DIRT WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING!"

    But that's just me.

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  6. Replies
    1. What other advice would you need really?

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